January 01, 2019
I did not have any resolutions planned when I got up this morning. I had plans, sure, things I would like to do or start doing, but nothing I would really call a resolution. Partially that's because of the weight that comes with the word "resolution" and partially because of the fatalism that comes with that same word. "Resolutions" are something we set when we're feeling optimistic at the beginning of the year and that we drop as the reality sets in that this really is just another year. Same shit, new year right?
But there are things I would like to change about the way I'm living my life right now. I should say, these are things that I've been working on changing for a while now, but since it's the start of a new year, I might as well formalize them. I don't want to call them "resolutions", though. They're more "priorities", things I want to make sure I'm focusing on and doing more of.
Take care of myself. Priority numero uno. I, just like most every woman my age in this country, have been raised to put other people's care ahead of my own. But as I've gotten older, like many other women in this country, I have figured out that if I'm not taking decent care of myself, I'm not going to be able to take decent care of anyone else. This means taking care of my body, my mind, and my soul. It can be the usual eat better/go to bed at a reasonable hour/get some exercise on a regular basis prescription. For me it also includes reading and writing more and taking time to play, both with my family and on my own. Letting go of the constant to-do list running through my mind, even just a little. These are the things that always sound easier than they actually are.
Learn new things. This is something that, as a web developer, is pretty much a constant in my work life, but I'm really talking about my personal life here. "Learning" in this sense can take many forms and I'm deliberately leaving it as broad as possible, but it is something I do think of as an active process. For me, learning is very much about engaging with new ideas and experiences, being present with them and really wrestling with what they mean to me in my life.
And that's what I want 2019 to be about for me. Taking care of myself and learning new things. I can't wait.